Wednesday, December 10, 2014

What Men Want

People are always asking about what women want. I find it kind of insane. Women maybe complicated but when it comes to men- it's pretty easy. We want a man to protect us, support us and show/give love. And be mind blowing in bed (which can be learned so don't worry if you're not there yet.) I don't care what anyone says, that's basic needs for every human on earth so if you say you don't want or need any of those things (minus the bed thing. That's strictly for non asexuals who are in relationships) then you're lying to yourself or don't understand what those things really mean. Beyond that, everything is a want.

What I find curious is what men want. For myself, I've fallen in love with any man that's given me those basics. I mean.... they'd eventually stop and that's where the problems arose. But as long as they were, I was theirs. But I've found that I would give men that and they'd be less than interested. So what do men want? *shrugs* Ebony asked a few men this question and they responded. Let's go over their answers and why it's bullshit! :D

Ebony: What does a man really want from a woman or life partner?

Shadan: A lot of times, women get really frustrated with us because they think men are more complex then we are. Men, in general, are simple: We want peace, tranquility and happiness. 
The BS: That's not an answer. This is so vague. What brings you peace, tranquility and happiness     isn't going to bring the next guy peace, tranquility and happiness. A better, more truthful answer       would instead include the things that give him that. I think what annoyed me about this is that prefaces this deceivingly easy answer with saying that what he wants is simple. What if what brings him peace is for his woman to be his kitchen slave and cater to him 24/7? What if what's tranquil to him is his wife joining him in putting hooks in his skin and hanging from the ceiling? What if his happiness is having someone blow him at least 20 times a day? I mean that IS complicated and hard. Not every woman can give him that, there's some that could but not all. 
Eric: Peace of mind and compliance. Certain things work and some won't. You understand me, I understand you and we both comply. 
The BS: Ok, this makes sense but again, very vague. If I understand correctly, he just wants there to be a mutual understanding on all things. However, it's so vague, I'm not totally sure what that even means. Do you want your girl to just automatically understand everything about you and not question anything (hence the compliance)? Or do you want to discuss everything so you two can understand each other even if you don't agree or come to a conclusion with some disagreements? There's a big difference.  
Michael: I want fulfillment in every facet of my life. 
The BS: Ok.... me too. What does that mean for you? While reading this, I was annoyed at how vague these men are. And THEN they always wonder why women don't understand them! Smh. Men always do this where they something that means nothing and us women have to sit back and wonder what they hell the guy meant.
Corey: I just want a home-cooked meal. If I can come home to a good meal every night, man....
The BS: My initial thought was "how young is this kid?" I looked to see Corey's age- 26, no kids. Hm. Ok. That makes sense then. I'm not saying that his answer is bullshit, it's just immature. I don't mean that in a bad sense, just in a realistic sense. Because honestly, this just sounds like a kid who's in college who's been surviving on ramen and candy. In that situation, sure, I'd fall for anyone that cooked me real food every night too. So there'd probably be a lot of work.... no, a lot of patience needed in helping him realize what a relationship is and how to navigate. 
Roger: I want to be myself without being judged. I don't want to have to watch what I say and do. I want to remain the same man I was when you met me. 
The BS: At first, I was like YES! A real answer! You want to be able to be yourself! Absolutely! Then I was like well.... he kept harping on that though and added nothing else. Then I reread what he said and thought about what it means. He wants to be himself without being judged- so he feels that he will be judged for being himself... either very insecure or he's come across women who probably had good reason to judge him. He doesn't want to watch what he says and does- Ok, I'm down with that since I feel that way myself. However, my husband has taught me that even though I love saying whatever I want, my words word hurtful and mean. So yeah, I want to say whatever comes to my mind but I didn't want to hurt. He probably has the same problem if people are telling him to censor himself aka he's kind of a dick and doesn't want to change that. He wants to remain the same man he was when you met him- why? Who really ever wants that? When you first meet someone, you SHOULD be on your best behavior. Please, thank you, can we have some intercourse please? You're selling yourself to this person, showing off the money beet that lives inside you. When you get closer, more comfortable, been together longer, that's when it's more- Stop, Shhhh, we're going to fuck right now. That's when you get to be more yourself, a little more ugly. But this person is basically saying he's a dick upfront and wants to keep it that way forever. I then looked back at his bio and it confirmed my suspicions: 46 years old, 3 kids and single. He also mentioned several times that he NEVER wants to marry. Don't worry boo, sounds like no one will ever want to marry you.

Jeffrey: Peace of mind. You have to know that when the football game is on, we can talk later. Understanding. It's hard to come to that happy medium.
The BS: None. This is a real answer. He's saying he wants to compromise. He wants his own time yes, but he will be sure to give you time too. It's not one or the other. He needs you to understand that and not get angry when he's spending some of his time doing what he wants. Just know that after that it's you time. God! He even said he wants a happy medium! Love this one! Looking back, he'd answer all of Ebony's questions pretty perfectly. This one is a keeper.
Alvin: I can create happiness on my own. But when we're spending our alone time together, are we arguing? Are you stressing me out? I want peace. Are you helping me relieve stress, or are you the cause of my stress?
The BS: This answer wasn't necessarily bad. It just left me with a raised eyebrow and some questions. The thing is, when you tell someone what you want or don't want in a relationship, you're telling what you have been through in past relationships that you didn't like. So, I'm just wondering what happened in his last relationship. It could be that it just didn't work and they were fighting because they shouldn't have been together and he doesn't want that fighting. It could also be that there were very serious issues and there were very reasonable  reasons to fight and argue. Another thing I picked up on.... it could be nothing but rubbed me the wrong way.... Jeffrey's answer was very we. WE can talk later. Understanding (in this context is a we). Happy medium (we-centric). Alvin is very  I can, I want, help me, stressing me.... very all about himself and how your actions effect him. I didn't like that. Of course, the question is about him. But that doesn't mean he can't incorporate we. Just sayin. 

I didn't incorporate the other questions Ebony asked because I really felt this one question was extremely revealing. And really it ultimately shows that men don't really know what they hell they want. Or at least can't clearly explain it so that they could get it. Maybe these manipulative men who say they told us exactly what they wanted from the get go aren't being lying assholes. Maybe they felt they did and just don't realize that when they talk, gibberish bullshit comes out instead. Which is why women always need a council of friends to decode every action and word and tone to understand what the fuck you guys are even saying. Let's face it. Men are from Mars and Women are from Earth.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Aaliyah: The Princess of Lifetime

Ok so I just finished watching the Aaliyah movie that everyone hated. I tried to go in with an open mind but as it started, I knew my mind was already swayed to hate it. But.... I continued watching it. Guys, it's not that bad. Lemme rephrase: Guys, it's not THAT bad.

Here's the issue: it won't bring you closer to Aaliyah. You may learn some things or whatever but you're not going to feel like you're watching Aaliyah and her life. That's a pretty big issue.

Movies are fun because they transport you into that world. It's always been my favorite way to escape. For a few hours, my life wasn't my life. My world wasn't this world. It's the best! Biopics are fun because you get transported into a celebrity's life. You connect with that celebrity and learn new things about them and their world. You get to (in a sense) be this person. So your heartbreaks when their heart breaks or anything bad happens, you're elated when good things happen. You feel them. This movie seems to subtract every way you could possibly connect in that sense. No music (because Aaliyah's family wouldn't allow it), no one looked like their real life counterparts (I had to google what Damon Dash actually looks like and Missy! LMAO! Come on now....).

Not even close Lifetime

Now, this was very hard for me to connect to because I wasn't an Aaliyah fan. Not that I disliked her, but that wasn't the type of music I listened to back then. I know the very basics of her life, so this movie should have been a really good intro to her and her music. Like when I watched Britney's For the Record. I mean, I was already a fan, but after watching that... I became a stan. I fell in love with her. I fell even more in love with her music. I went from casual fan to her being a piece of me. (Britney Army! Back me up! This totally isn't creepy :D) So watching a good biopic as a non fan who's curious, should absolutely make you a casual fan. If not of the music, then of the person. This had no effect on me because I wasn't watching Aaliyah, R. Kelly, Missy or any of them. I was watching the most upbeat Lifetime movie I've ever seen.

Which brings me to why this movie isn't all that bad. Ignore the fact that this is a movie about Aaliyah for a moment.... Now, how good was that Lifetime movie guys!? It was the least creepy stalker killer-y! Although, I do love those creepy stalker killer movies. This was a standard Lifetime movie. And I looooooooooove Lifetime movies. We all do. That's why we keep giving these biopics a chance. I enjoyed it very much.... as a regular made for TV/waste my time movie. But yes, as an Aaliyah biopic- it fucking failed so hard and sucked. I feel like I learned nothing because I couldn't connect to any of the characters and I wanted to get to know her music without having to actually look for it, I still don't know her music and since I'm not a fan, I'm not really inclined to look for it.

*shrugs* Perhaps we'll stop watching the Lifetime biopics and then they'll learn. LOL that'll never happen. Hopefully, Aaliyah's family can make the real movie happen, so we can actually enjoy that one.

Love and Hip Hop Hollywood- Gossip Girls

Ok, I have been enjoying my ratchet shows and mostly not having anything to say about them too much. Bitches gonna bitch and ho's gonna ho. What else would you expect?

However, what started off as the most boring and unexciting Love and Hip Hop franchise, has turned into the most annoying and infuriating with all the bitchassness going on.

So I'm watching the last episode and Berg and Masika are just messy. First off- why the hell would someone invite a woman they dislike and want to stay away from to a party just so said girl can see them be all over other women? "So she can get it through her head that we're over" is not a real fucking reason. To me, only a loser ass dickhead would do that. The kind of guy that would hit on his girl.....


What MIGHT actually work is if Berg actually stayed away from Hazel. He keeps calling her, texting her, getting with her. Of course Hazel thinks y'all serious cuz you're acting like it stupid! Stay away and she'll get the hint that she's supposed to be away dumbass!

Then here's Masika... why is this girl taking "sweet pleasure" out of torturing Hazel E? What the hell did Hazel ever do to you? As far as I can see, her biggest mistake was confiding to a fake ass slore. If he can give you a record deal, you better fuck him, right Masika? SMH. This bitch is gonna tell Hazel how she's delusional because she doesn't want Berg and would never be with him and then go on to date him after he says "song is yours" and the dollar signs stop spinning in your eyes long enough for you to show up at a party with him just to rub it in Hazel's face. It makes no damn sense! Have a seat girl. 

Anyway.... how believable was Ray saying "I don't even remember the last time I rented anything." LMAO. I never seen him acting, but if that was an indicator, he fucking sucks. 

Derrrrrr 

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Deep Breath. Deep Sigh.

There's just been so much going on. Emotionally. It's been years since I've written a poem and I generally fucking hate my poetry. But it always has helped express what I feel, create an outlet for me. So here's my shitty poem that I hate but made me feel better.


thumping thumping
up the stairs
into the room we share
solitary yet thump thump
thumping thumping
the mattress must be possessed
i grab your fingers
suck at the tip
force them to penetrate me
feel my soul
together thump thump
you touch it
caress it
pet it
thump thump thump
squeeze it
choke it
suffocate it
thump thump
SHHHHH
SHHHHH
SHHHHH...
red everywhere
thump

Monday, October 20, 2014

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

These Conversations Kill

I decided that I couldn't have a romantic relationship with my husband anymore. I told him. He freaked out. I hate that because it makes me doubt myself. At first the reason I stayed with my ex every time was because he'd throw the biggest fit over me leaving and he'd beg....literally beg me to stay. I always think, if THAT'S the reaction to me leaving then he must feel something, the love must be real. I'm trying not to have that reaction now, because that relationship taught me that having a strong reaction to someone leaving doesn't mean they love you or want you.

We had no real discussion. I wanted one, that's why I even said anything. I don't know what our relationship should be and how everything should work. I don't want this to be it, I can't imagine my life without him. But... just too many lies for me to believe that he actually is in love with me, respects me or even wants me. It's just so clear to me that I'm not what he wants. His actions are speaking much louder and clearer than his words. It hurts. I never would have gotten married if I didn't 100% believe him and I would be forever. But really, I should've ended things after the first time I found out he was talking to someone else inappropriately and lying to me about it. Then it'd be a clean break. Maybe I'm a fool for thinking people can change like that.

I want to tell the whole story because he obviously doesn't feel like this is his fault. He says "it takes two" and that's true. I never said I was perfect. I was honest about all my shortcomings and feelings and thoughts. I was about about what I wanted and didn't want. He can't say the same thing. Apparently he can't say anything outside of superficial bullshit to me. He can't tell me what he thinks or feels, his hopes and dreams or fears. He can't let me into who he is. I thought I knew him and then we got married and moved in together and I realized I don't know him. And I know the same amount now as I did then. That's not true... I now know that he can and will cheat and not feel remorse, nor truly own up to it or give any kind of explanation as to why or really any details whatsoever.