Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Aaliyah: The Princess of Lifetime

Ok so I just finished watching the Aaliyah movie that everyone hated. I tried to go in with an open mind but as it started, I knew my mind was already swayed to hate it. But.... I continued watching it. Guys, it's not that bad. Lemme rephrase: Guys, it's not THAT bad.

Here's the issue: it won't bring you closer to Aaliyah. You may learn some things or whatever but you're not going to feel like you're watching Aaliyah and her life. That's a pretty big issue.

Movies are fun because they transport you into that world. It's always been my favorite way to escape. For a few hours, my life wasn't my life. My world wasn't this world. It's the best! Biopics are fun because you get transported into a celebrity's life. You connect with that celebrity and learn new things about them and their world. You get to (in a sense) be this person. So your heartbreaks when their heart breaks or anything bad happens, you're elated when good things happen. You feel them. This movie seems to subtract every way you could possibly connect in that sense. No music (because Aaliyah's family wouldn't allow it), no one looked like their real life counterparts (I had to google what Damon Dash actually looks like and Missy! LMAO! Come on now....).

Not even close Lifetime

Now, this was very hard for me to connect to because I wasn't an Aaliyah fan. Not that I disliked her, but that wasn't the type of music I listened to back then. I know the very basics of her life, so this movie should have been a really good intro to her and her music. Like when I watched Britney's For the Record. I mean, I was already a fan, but after watching that... I became a stan. I fell in love with her. I fell even more in love with her music. I went from casual fan to her being a piece of me. (Britney Army! Back me up! This totally isn't creepy :D) So watching a good biopic as a non fan who's curious, should absolutely make you a casual fan. If not of the music, then of the person. This had no effect on me because I wasn't watching Aaliyah, R. Kelly, Missy or any of them. I was watching the most upbeat Lifetime movie I've ever seen.

Which brings me to why this movie isn't all that bad. Ignore the fact that this is a movie about Aaliyah for a moment.... Now, how good was that Lifetime movie guys!? It was the least creepy stalker killer-y! Although, I do love those creepy stalker killer movies. This was a standard Lifetime movie. And I looooooooooove Lifetime movies. We all do. That's why we keep giving these biopics a chance. I enjoyed it very much.... as a regular made for TV/waste my time movie. But yes, as an Aaliyah biopic- it fucking failed so hard and sucked. I feel like I learned nothing because I couldn't connect to any of the characters and I wanted to get to know her music without having to actually look for it, I still don't know her music and since I'm not a fan, I'm not really inclined to look for it.

*shrugs* Perhaps we'll stop watching the Lifetime biopics and then they'll learn. LOL that'll never happen. Hopefully, Aaliyah's family can make the real movie happen, so we can actually enjoy that one.

Love and Hip Hop Hollywood- Gossip Girls

Ok, I have been enjoying my ratchet shows and mostly not having anything to say about them too much. Bitches gonna bitch and ho's gonna ho. What else would you expect?

However, what started off as the most boring and unexciting Love and Hip Hop franchise, has turned into the most annoying and infuriating with all the bitchassness going on.

So I'm watching the last episode and Berg and Masika are just messy. First off- why the hell would someone invite a woman they dislike and want to stay away from to a party just so said girl can see them be all over other women? "So she can get it through her head that we're over" is not a real fucking reason. To me, only a loser ass dickhead would do that. The kind of guy that would hit on his girl.....

What MIGHT actually work is if Berg actually stayed away from Hazel. He keeps calling her, texting her, getting with her. Of course Hazel thinks y'all serious cuz you're acting like it stupid! Stay away and she'll get the hint that she's supposed to be away dumbass!

Then here's Masika... why is this girl taking "sweet pleasure" out of torturing Hazel E? What the hell did Hazel ever do to you? As far as I can see, her biggest mistake was confiding to a fake ass slore. If he can give you a record deal, you better fuck him, right Masika? SMH. This bitch is gonna tell Hazel how she's delusional because she doesn't want Berg and would never be with him and then go on to date him after he says "song is yours" and the dollar signs stop spinning in your eyes long enough for you to show up at a party with him just to rub it in Hazel's face. It makes no damn sense! Have a seat girl. 

Anyway.... how believable was Ray saying "I don't even remember the last time I rented anything." LMAO. I never seen him acting, but if that was an indicator, he fucking sucks. 


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Deep Breath. Deep Sigh.

There's just been so much going on. Emotionally. It's been years since I've written a poem and I generally fucking hate my poetry. But it always has helped express what I feel, create an outlet for me. So here's my shitty poem that I hate but made me feel better.

thumping thumping
up the stairs
into the room we share
solitary yet thump thump
thumping thumping
the mattress must be possessed
i grab your fingers
suck at the tip
force them to penetrate me
feel my soul
together thump thump
you touch it
caress it
pet it
thump thump thump
squeeze it
choke it
suffocate it
thump thump
red everywhere

Monday, October 20, 2014

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

These Conversations Kill

I decided that I couldn't have a romantic relationship with my husband anymore. I told him. He freaked out. I hate that because it makes me doubt myself. At first the reason I stayed with my ex every time was because he'd throw the biggest fit over me leaving and he'd beg....literally beg me to stay. I always think, if THAT'S the reaction to me leaving then he must feel something, the love must be real. I'm trying not to have that reaction now, because that relationship taught me that having a strong reaction to someone leaving doesn't mean they love you or want you.

We had no real discussion. I wanted one, that's why I even said anything. I don't know what our relationship should be and how everything should work. I don't want this to be it, I can't imagine my life without him. But... just too many lies for me to believe that he actually is in love with me, respects me or even wants me. It's just so clear to me that I'm not what he wants. His actions are speaking much louder and clearer than his words. It hurts. I never would have gotten married if I didn't 100% believe him and I would be forever. But really, I should've ended things after the first time I found out he was talking to someone else inappropriately and lying to me about it. Then it'd be a clean break. Maybe I'm a fool for thinking people can change like that.

I want to tell the whole story because he obviously doesn't feel like this is his fault. He says "it takes two" and that's true. I never said I was perfect. I was honest about all my shortcomings and feelings and thoughts. I was about about what I wanted and didn't want. He can't say the same thing. Apparently he can't say anything outside of superficial bullshit to me. He can't tell me what he thinks or feels, his hopes and dreams or fears. He can't let me into who he is. I thought I knew him and then we got married and moved in together and I realized I don't know him. And I know the same amount now as I did then. That's not true... I now know that he can and will cheat and not feel remorse, nor truly own up to it or give any kind of explanation as to why or really any details whatsoever.

too much tripping

There is a point where you've been hurt so many times that it it just doesn't hurt anymore. It's like your heart can only break so much before it's just like well there's just no more re pieces to break. I feel nothing. Slight hatred but other than that just nothing. I've been here before about a bilion times in my life. My heart was never whole.